Groom Responsibilities: Before, During & After the Big Day
Author: Kiran Kaur
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A Guide to Groom Responsibilities
Whether you intend to be totally hands-on during the wedding planning, or would rather the decor and overall vibe was a bit of a surprise on the day. There are still responsibilities the groom will be expected to perform.
Many consider groom responsibilities to be simply turning up to their wedding and looking sharp in the suit probably picked out by their partner. And while there is nothing wrong with leaving the wedding planning down to your better half (if that’s what they want), there are still things that the groom is undoubtably responsible for.
For us, in 2022, we feel that the groom’s responsibilities should start during the wedding planning process. No matter the role you take in actually getting the big day over the line, the groom should be involved, and ensure their partner knows they are there for them. Nobody should have to do it all, and it’s important that as a modern groom, you realise this, and be available whenever your partner needs you. Even if it’s just for moral support.
There are countless tasks involved in planning a wedding, and it would be foolish for us to simply list them all, and label them all as ‘groom responsibilities’. Instead, we’re going to share the groom’s duties you will be expected to perform before, and during the wedding day. The tasks grooms are traditionally responsible for. If you want to go one step further, and be the best groom-to-be ever, you can then go on to check out our many other posts on wedding planning, for some expert advice.
Arrange the Engagement Ring & Wedding Rings
For modern couples, shopping for an engagement ring is not a solo task. It is a shared experience that both parties can be a part of, and as such a lot less stressful for the groom. As they are free from the nervously sweaty thought of their partner not liking their carefully chosen rock.
Whether the engagement ring itself is a surprise or not, you will be expected to be a part of its selection, and possibly purchase it. Just a heads-up! But of course, if finances are tight for you personally, be sure to have an honest conversation with your partner, before laying down your credit card.
Following the proposal, and during the wedding planning process, you’ll need to pick out wedding rings. This is a task that you can certainly do together, as there’s no element of surprise here. But that doesn’t mean you’re any less involved in the wedding ring/s selection, even if you’re not planning on wearing one yourself. Browse, discuss and decide which one is right, together.
Choosing the Groomsmen
You may have the best friend in the world, and a really close group of friends that you regularly go out with. But these drinking buddies may not be the best fit as your groomsmen. They may well be able to throw you the best stag do (bachelor party) ever. But will they care for you on your wedding day? Are they responsible enough to be given important jobs to do, and can they be trusted to turn up on time? If the answer is a resounding yes, then it sounds like you’ve got your gang, and possibly even the best man. But if you feel there’s one or two members of this group of friends who may cause an issue, do yourself a huge favour, and select someone else.
It may sound harsh, but a wedding is one of the biggest day’s in anyone’s lives. And you deserve to have people standing beside you who will fight tooth and nail (not literally) to make sure you have the perfect wedding. So select wisely, with your head and your heart.
It’s also essential to remember that the immediate family of your other half may expect to be a part of your groom party. Therefore, if you’re comfortable with that, and you get along with them, it may be a nice gesture to include them too. Be that the bride’s father, brother etc.
Selecting Suits & Organising Groom Suit Fittings
Traditionally, the groom is responsible for arranging the suit for their wedding day, as well as the look’s for the groomsmen. There may well be some guidance, gentle nudging from the bride to be, but on the whole, you should be allowed to pick out a suit you feel good in.
General wedding decor is all about details, and it’s important to remember that your suit, and the suits of your wedding party, should reflect the theme of your big day. Be that a general vibe, a style or particular colour that will be used throughout the celebration. Like on the bridesmaids dresses, for example. With this in mind, you should begin your groomsmen suit fittings with a clear understanding of what you need, and be able to communicate this to whoever is helping you select your suits.
Referencing our point above, the visits to the suit shop for the initial browse and subsequent fittings may not be as frequent, or laborious as the wedding dress shopping experience. But your chosen groom gang will need to show up on time, be engaged during the fitting and help you in selecting the right look/s. You should be able to lean on your best man during this time. And use their assistance in gathering the troops and making sure everyone is on track.
Invite Your Wedding Guests & Chase RSVP's
Your wedding reception and ceremony is probably the one event that a Facebook invite, or group text will not suffice as a form of invitation. Even if you’re sending your wedding invitations digitally, they still need to be designed, and the guest list must be carefully considered. This task is of course not simply just down to the groom, and together you need to decide on the lucky few who will witness your nuptials.
What is down to you is selecting who, from your side, will be attending, and possibly negotiating with your parents whether certain wedding party members should be invited. Because remember, this is your wedding. And you deserve to feel as though everyone there to witness it holds value to you.
Attempt not to invite family members just because they’re family. There will always be a certain level of obligation when it comes to larger family weddings, but you shouldn’t feel forced to invite people you either don’t know, or possibly don’t like. Be firm, but kind, and ensure that those attending your wedding ceremony and reception bring both you and your partner joy.
Once your carefully designed, and thoughtfully laid out invitations have been sent out to your guest list. It’s up to you both to chase up the RSVP’s. Be that via phone, text, or email. Try to get that final head count sorted as swiftly as you can, otherwise your other wedding planning tasks will become infinitely more difficult. As you won’t know exactly how many people to quote for when speaking to suppliers and venue.
Craft the Perfect Groom Speech
Whether you’re naturally funny, a born entertainer or actually pretty timid. You will be expected to deliver a speech during the wedding reception. This is one of the traditional groom responsibilities, and it may strike fear into the hearts of anyone afraid of speaking aloud in public, but a short thank you toast will always be appreciated by the extended wedding party.
However, like anything involved in planning a wedding, there is no right or wrong answer. We are only sharing what will be expected, not what should be done. If the idea of giving a speech to friends and family delivers such crippling anxiety you will not be able to enjoy the wedding day, don’t do it. Find another way to thank those around you for their love and support. Speak to people individually, or maybe pre-record a fun video message to be played during the speeches.
Choosing to deliver a wedding speech as a joint effort between newly-weds is another option if anxiety is an issue for either of you. And it also helps to reinforce the fact that you are now an official unit, and this wedding was planned as such.
Whether you deliver the speech together, or separately, always make, and bring along notes. However confident you think you are at speaking in public, and however many times you practised the lines, nothing can prepare you for the moment you finally deliver it. Avoid possible embarrassment, and have pre-arranged cue cards on-hand.
Arrange Cash Payments for Suppliers
Remember when we said that your groomsmen need to be responsible? Well, this is the perfect example. On the day of your wedding, there will be certain suppliers who must be paid in cash at the end of the night. As the groom, it’s often your responsibility to organise these small lump sums, and distribute them accordingly.
Before the big day, look through your wedding budget spreadsheet (please don’t tell us you don’t have one!), and note down the exact amount that each supplier needs to be paid on the night. Then get yourself several envelopes and label up each one with the supplier’s name clearly written.
Before the wedding ceremony, select one or two of your groomsmen to be in charge of handing out the cash at the appropriate time. And make sure that all of those money filled envelopes will be kept in a safe place.
It’s also wise to let the individual suppliers know who will be paying them at the end of the night, so they’re not left wondering, or asking around. Introduce everyone to each other, and possibly exchange phone numbers.
Buy Thank You Gifts For Your Groomsmen
As groom duties go, this can often be one of the toughest! It can be hard to select a gift for someone you’ve known all your life, even if they’re close family members. But it is important to recognise the support your groomsmen have given you during the wedding planning journey, and give them something that has been selected with care.
It can feel tempting to pick out the same gift for every member of your wedding party. However, not only does that feel quite impersonal, but each individual will have their own taste and style. So they may not actually appreciate your bulk buy, however much it cost.
Consider your best man, and the whole gang individually, and pick out items that maybe they wouldn’t have bought themselves. But that won’t simply be chucked in the nearest cupboard as soon as they get home.
Write Thank You Notes
Of all the groom’s responsibilities, this task is often liked the least. And unfortunately, this means that their other half’s end up writing all the thank you notes themselves, following the honeymoon. Don’t be that person. It may be arduous, it may be painful, but it’s important to consider this task as a groom’s responsibility. And show your better half that this is a partnership. And you’re willing to share the load.
On the flip side, you could take complete responsibly for sending out the thank you notes and gifts, leaving your partner to get on with other tasks. As long as you both feel comfortable with this, there’s nothing to say you shouldn’t take on the responsibility.