How Social Media Is Shaping Our Expectations of Love

In today’s hyper connected world, love isn’t just something we feel, it’s something we often see. Scroll through Instagram, TikTok, or YouTube, and it’s easy to believe that romantic relationships are supposed to look like aesthetic vacations, surprise flower deliveries, and perfectly timed couple selfies. While there’s nothing wrong with celebrating love online, social media has quietly transformed the way we think love should look, and not always in healthy ways.

Social media encourages us to post the best parts of our lives, and relationships are no exception. We see:

• Couples going on dream vacations.
• Boyfriends planning elaborate surprise proposals.
• Girlfriends receiving designer gifts “just because.”
• Hour long story times of “how we met” that sound like fairytales.

These highlight reels are often polished, filtered, and curated. What we don’t see? The disagreements, the mundane routines, the silent dinners after a long day, or the moments of doubt and growth. When we constantly compare our love lives to these digital showcases, we risk thinking our own relationships are lacking, even when they’re perfectly healthy.

Another shift is the idea that love needs to be performed for an audience. Proposals are recorded for views. Birthdays become cinematic productions. Anniversaries need slideshows, and even breakups sometimes get storytime content.

This performative aspect can blur the line between what we feel and what we think we should show. Instead of focusing on how connected we feel to our partner, we might be more concerned with how the relationship appears online.

Platforms like TikTok and Instagram have accelerated the spread of viral “relationship goals.” But those moments rarely represent the day to day work it takes to build a lasting connection. Social media can unintentionally:

• Set unrealistic expectations for grand gestures.
• Pressure people into constant validation.
• Create insecurity through comparison.
• Make quiet, low drama love feel “boring” or not good enough.

If love doesn’t come with sparkles, surprises, or a Pinterest worthy aesthetic, it can feel like we’re missing out, even if our partner is present, kind, and communicative.

It’s not all bad. Social media also:

• Helps couples stay connected through messaging, video calls, and shared digital memories.
• Normalises conversations about mental health, boundaries, and emotional growth.
• Spreads knowledge on love languages, attachment styles, and healthy communication.
• Allows people to find community, validation, and advice in times of relational struggle.

The key is balance, using social media as a tool, not a mirror.

Here are a few ways to keep your expectations in check and your relationship rooted in reality:

• Limit comparison: Remember, you’re seeing someone’s best moments, not their full story.
• Talk openly with your partner: Discuss how social media affects you both, and set boundaries if needed.
• Celebrate the small stuff: The daily check ins, the shared jokes, the quiet support, those are the true building blocks of love.
• Unfollow accounts that make you feel “less than”: Curate your feed to inspire and educate, not pressure or shame.

Love doesn’t need an audience to be real. The most meaningful relationships often happen away from the screen, built slowly, privately, and imperfectly. Social media may shape how we view love, but it doesn’t have to define it.

The healthiest love stories are the ones we write ourselves, not the ones we perform for others.