Kids and your honeymoon

Published date: 9th February 2019

It’s something of a modern dilemma: because it’s a second (or third…) marriage or long-term relationship for one or both of you, or because you had a child or children together before getting married, should you take the little treasure(s) with you on your honeymoon?

There is no right answer yes or no. It’s for the two of you (and we stress that it has to be a mutual thing) to decide.

If one or other of you is bringing a kid or kids from a previous relationship it may be slightly different to the case where they belong to the two of you. With the former situation, was a cause of the relationship breaking down that you devoted so much effort to your offspring that your partner was alienated or at least felt so? In that case it may make sense for you to find a way to get time alone as a couple, to set the tone for you and perhaps for the children too. If you had kids together then married, that’s clearly not the same issue.

Throw into the mix what the Americans call ‘blended’ families, where you both bring kids to the party, and they have to find a way of living together without killing one another and/or driving you mad. If their relationship is in its infancy, the strain is likely to make for a difficult holiday – and it will not be the holding hands, romantic dinners and uninhibited sex honeymoon of your dreams.

Taking or leaving the kids depends on other factors too. If they are very young it’s tougher to do, and to find grandparents or favourite aunts and uncles with whom they can stay. For many leaving a baby or toddler would itself cause massive worry. If they are past the nappy stage that can be a bit easier. With a bit of luck – and great planning – it’s just possible that a longed-for school trip will mean they are away while you are. Everyone happy.

Consider too if they are from a former relationship. An amicable split may mean the other parent takes them willingly while you jet to sun, sea, sand and sex with more sex. A bitter one could mean you have custody questions and travel restrictions to negotiate.

How long though is a honeymoon (ok, by original definition about a month, but really)? Three weeks 5000 miles away from kids could be a big ask. Three nights in a super-luxury spa and golf hotel 50 miles away, not so hard.

If you feel it’s right to take the kids with you, there are ways of handling it to allow some romance. If you’re loaded and have a nanny, they come too and sleep in the kids’ room of your upmarket hotel (you have a nanny, you can afford it). Or if you are not minted, take a grandparent or parents (they may even chip in their costs) or that much-loved aunt. Get some privacy by choosing separate accommodation – two gîtes a few metres away, or two beach bungalows, or two apartments together… If that is not feasible, you can find plenty of places with great childcare, lots of activities for kids where they won’t mind you are at the bar or in bed in the middle of the day. It can be done. Theme park hols, all-inclusive island jaunts, and some big hotels offer varied activities with trained staff. And to assuage any guilt you can alternate activity days and family days.

It has to be admitted that if the kids tag along, it’s not really a honeymoon but a family holiday, though with some management a great and still romantic family holiday. It’s worth saying to one another that you will have the just-the-two-of-us version in a few years’ time – and set a goal on this or it won’t happen.

Whatever you choose we hope that it’s a great holiday, and a landmark in a long and happy life together.

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